BBC at Glastonbury

“Right now back to Jo Whiley”

“Weren’t the Arctic Monkeys brilliant? They told me backstage they were going to be brilliant. And they were brilliant.”

Mark Radcliffe: “Yes, they were brilliant. Now to the John Peel stage for another indie band, who were brilliant.”

Jo Whiley: “And now to a young person we’ve roped in. She’s looking at the other side of Glastonbury. The bit you don’t always see on the coverage. Apart from every year where we do a bit about the other side of Glastonbury.”

Posh bird whose parents could afford an unpaid internship: “This festival is brilliant. I’ve found some weird people. They’re weird. And brilliant. It’s what this festival is all about. Weird and brilliant things. Back to Jo.”

Whiley: “Right, later we’ve got the Stones, who I think will be brilliant. It’s brilliant they’ll be playing this brilliant festival. I’ve been loads of times and it’s their first time. Brilliant.”

Mark Radcliffe: “Now, for some urban sounds from the Black Stage. Here’s a black person.”

Posh kid whose parents could afford an unpaid internship but who’s talking a bit street: “Here’s my man Dizzee. He’s mad brilliant. Back to Jo.”

Whiley: “Brilliant. I just bumped into Grimmy in the VIP. He’s drunk! Brilliant. But no-one mention drugs.”

Mark Radcliffe: “Now over to a gay person who doesn’t normally work for the BBC talking to some trannies. Fabulously brilliant.”

Gay person: “I’m going to run around talking to the squares and making slightly acerbic comments. Then I’m going to talk to a trannie! I know! A bloke! In a dress! Dancing! It’s so free at Glastro, we can be ourselves. Brilliant.”

Mark Radcliffe: “I’ve got a joke here about Public Enemy, Flava Flav and the time they got on stage. I’ll tweet it in a minute. None of us have bothered with a Public Enemy record for 25 years, but we’ve all just remembered how brilliant they are.”

Jo Whiley: “And now. Chic. Disco. Brilliant. Nile Rodgers got people up on stage. It’s brilliant. That’s what this festival is all about. Now to a posh bird in a field.”

Posh bird: “Behind me is a giant spider in a field! I have literally never seen anything like it in my life. It literally is a giant spider. It’s literally brilliant. And as you can see behind me it’s sort of flashing lights with smoke coming out of it. [Looks behind her] Oh, wait. Nothing’s happening now. You should have seen it literally a few minutes ago. It was brilliant. Literally. Back to you Jo and Mark.”

Jo: “A giant spider in a field. It’s what this festival is all about. I was saying this to Florence of the Machine backstage earlier. Here she is doing an acoustic version of a popular song in her own unique style. Now Masterchef. At Glastonbury.”

Some other posh youth: “Burgers! At Glastonbury! It’s a long way from awful hot dog! Brilliant! I saw Kate Moss eating one! With Grimmy!”

Jo Whiley: “Brilliant! Everyone here is so brave, putting up with slightly inclement weather! Right, now off to Billy Bragg, who shows us that Glasto hasn’t lost it’s political edge. And later we’ve got the 10 O’Clock News with Huw Edwards. From Glastonbury. Brilliant. And highlights of Wimbledon. From Glastonbury. Brilliant”

Everyone: “Mumford And Sons are shit, aren’t they?”

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